Date:	2003-03-26 03:13
Subject:	Everybody burns, everybody bleeds
Security:	Public
Mood:	relaxed
Music:	Naked - Mann's Chinese

It's been awhile... a long while since I've written anything in here. So much has happened, too much to tell... but I'll try ;)

February, 20th - I performed publicly for the first time at a bar in Muncie called "the Heorot" (her-ot). A lot of my good friends from around were here. Some drove quite a ways to see me and for these friends I am grateful... I'm grateful for all my friends, past, present, and future. I played about 2 and a half hours of stuff both covers and my own. Some of my own stuff had never been heard by anyone until that night. I need the opinions of others sometimes when I'm unsure of my art. A great night all-in-all and made about $90 dollars and some people got to hear my music for the first time... I hope they're fans.

Mardi Gras- I always promised myself I'd make it to New Orleans before I died and this year I got my chance. Me and three other friends left for NO on Feb. 28th. I'd never been in that part of the country and that area interests me. All the history and stories there, one could go nuts. But we four did the usual Mardi Gras things- drank, got beads, smoked some kind, drank, shopped... and so on. A lot more happened but I'm not typing all of that, ya want the details... ask ;)

Smokey Mountains, Tennessee- What a relaxing Spring Break. My friend Ayn and I traveled to a cabin at the foothills of the Smokies. The cabin had a hot tub, central air, a king sized bed, and many other features that makes lazy people like me very, very happy. We hiked and rode horses, I think mine was stoned. It was great, until the trip back to Muncie. I almost cried coming back to this town. It's not that I hate it, it's just it has nothing more to offer me. Anyway, enough of that I'm out.

Date:	2003-01-17 06:58
Subject:	6:55 a.m., 11 degrees
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	Fear Factory- Dog Day Sunrise

Here it is another morning that I'm still awake. I see the sun come up a lot more lately, I miss class a lot more too. I'm not sure why but my sleeping scheduled has reversed that from which it used to be. Now I know what it's like to be a vampire, aside from that whole drinking blood thing (though I could get used to that), but I'm tired of it. When I do sleep it's usually during the day which is when classes and other social activities occur, so I'm missing out. I spend my nights usually listening to music or playing computer games, what a life.... I need a job. There's my answer.

Date:	2003-01-10 20:05
Subject:	Outdoor Life Network
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	System of a Down- SUGAR!

I just saw something on TV and sparked me to write this. For some unknown reason my television had stopped on the Outdoor Life Network. I do love nature but not enough to watch fishing shows. I watched for a minute trying to figure out where these two fisherman were fishing, it looked familiar to me, and it was. They were fishing at Pyramid Lake in Nevada. Then they started talking about Walker Lake and that was even more strange. They were telling of how the lake is dying because of so many conflicts. That makes me sad, that's where I grew up. Maybe I'll donate some money someday... wishful thinking.

Anyway, nuff of that sappy shit. Its been awhile since I wrote anything, so I have sometime now before I head to Indianapolis. A few of my friends there are having a party tonight and my Heather and I decide we're going. It snowed tonight so I'm kinda paranoid about the roads but I don't care, it sounds fun. Plus, my guardian angel gets paid under the table, no taxes, so she takes care of me. It should be fun.

Classes are going to be a pain once again. I have easy classes this semester which will make it a little better but there's one class that is just going to be a lot more work than what I want to do. It is a 100 level journalism class. Our final project is a 12 page paper with 35 sources about a public policy concern, something that affects the general public. I guess this will really test my writing skills. Plus, in this same class, we have to go to a store and ride around in a wheelchair and see how people react to us, then write about it. This one will be a bit more fun. I had to ride around in a wheelchair in high school for Ghost Out, no comment. Also, being in sociology writing this paper should be easy, I'm used to watching people.

I'm working backwards in this passage, its easier to remember that way.

Christmas break was pretty uneventful for the most part. Went home to Loogootee, partied some in southern Indiana, had some food, saw some family one of which threatened to disown me... thanks grandma. I went to the bar with my mom, that was fun but I felt like she kept laughing at me, I don't remember I was drunk. oh, one dramatic thing did happen over break, some pictures taken at a friend's house, there were 7 or so people over there, during Thanksgiving break got developed. There was some "inappropriate" pictures taken that the store confiscated and the police were called. I'm not sure what was on this camera but I know I wasn't a part of it. I think it's just small town people freaking out about some little things. Anyway, I thought it was funny.

I'm out... Peace

Well, that's another year down, let's see how many more we can kick behind us. Anyway, I hope everyone has a happy new year and was able to start it the way they wanted to. Peace

Date:	2002-12-15 12:52
Subject:	I'm oh so hungry
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	Incubus- 11 a.m.

Spent my morning driving around the ghetto of Indy, trying to find my way out. I didn't get shot so that's a plus. Now I'm back in Muncie with nothing to do.

I remember when I was younger I used to be so excited for Christmas. I guess capitalism and getting older has killed the kid in me when it comes to Christmas. I wouldn't celebrate this holiday if so many others around me didn't. I feel bad getting expensive things and not giving a damn thing in return. I guess this country's mentality of being nice on one day is just beyond me. Poor Jesus.

blah blah blah.... blah blah, "blah blah blah.... BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!"
-blah, blah blah blah blah; blah blah blah b.... lah. :) blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah). blah blah blah Blah, woo hoo!, blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah.... after awhile it doesn't even look lika word.

Date:	2002-12-11 12:36
Subject:	I can taste freedom
Security:	Public
Mood:	relieved
Music:	The buzz of my ceiling fan

Three down, one to finish... ya know the best type of finals are the one's where you go into the classroom and the prof says "if you're happy with your grade you don't have to take the final." That's when I turn my skinny ass back around and leave that class for the last time, skipping down the hall way. Really I did... but, the finals that do suck, the one's that you spent all last night studying for when you have the final the next day at noon and wake up at 11:45 a.m. Talk about stress. And when I went outside this morning, there was snow on the ground that wasn't there last night... grrrrr... I'm supposed to be informed of these changes :P anyway, I'm working on my last final now, the rest of the week will be recuperation and PARTYING!!!!!

Date:	2002-12-10 16:08
Subject:	My stupidity amazes me sometimes
Security:	Public
Mood:	jubilant
Music:	Alice in Chains- No Excuses BITCH!!!

Well, another final is almost down... WOO HOO!!! I have another one tonight that I'm not worried about at all, not looking forward to it, but looking forward to walking out of that class for the last time... school is fun, send your kids here, they'll love you forever :) nah, its good for me.

Another thing, why does my landlord always come over when I'm doing something bad? I'm not going to elaborate....

It is 11:51 am. I woke up at 11:30 am to turn in my 9 page final that was due at noon, talk about waiting until the last minute. But, it's in my prof's mailbox and I don't have to worry about that class for the rest of my life. ***Oh Happy Day***
I have another final tonight that I'm not too worried about, of course, I'm not worried about any of my finals, hmmmm... can we say complacent? I know I sure can. Anyway, its early, and I need a shower. Peace ya'll$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Date:	2002-12-09 21:13
Subject:	but I don't want to be around mad people... oh you can't help that, everyone here is mad
Security:	Public
Mood:	silly
Music:	Alice in Wonderland

Tomorrow is the first days of finals, I couldn't be more happy. I'm ready to move on past this semester of my life. I feel that this semester has been really symbolic. I got rid of someone who was not a healthy part of my life, in other words, this person was psychotic... and it is up to me to label him that :P

I finished a final today, 9 pages, that was not fun, of course, what finals are fun???

Today is Monday, one of the funnest mondays I think I've had. Of course anymore all the days are blurred together. They need a calendar for people like me with just one day that lasts how ever many hours a year is. I know that wouldn't make sense, but why does it??? huh?

"Chris adores rabbits" that's what the psychopath says.... scary.

Date:	2002-12-06 13:37
Subject:	Just me and Mary
Security:	Public
Mood:	high
Music:	Lifehouse- Spin (GREAT SONG!!!)

Me and Mary cleaned today. Well, I'm in the process of cleaning but somehow I got stuck on the net. Oh well, while I'm here.... I never remember life being this stressful. It seems like after certain people left my life, or so I thought, things got worse, and when it rains it pours in Indiana. I'm not saying I'm stressed out and want to end it all... nothing like that, it's just a little overwhelming at times. I guess this is the spoiled rich boy coming out in me. Oh well...

I got a letter in the mail yesterday from Ball State, that's where I'm going to school for those of you who don't pay attention, saying that since I'm such a good student I can be in there "Go to school in another state for a semester and pay less than out of state tuition" well that's not their exact words, but that sums it up. UNR was on there and it tickled my brain. I wish they would have sent those out earlier, but maybe, just maybe I will be spending my first fall semester of next year in Nevada! how sweet would that be. That would make so much sense now that I think of it. I could go there and start looking for a job and a place to live, and have fun of course. If anyone who reads this knows how to get ahold of Diana Westwood, please, PLEASE give me her phone number, I miss that girl so much and would just like to say hey. There ya go.

I'm done for now, back to cleaning.

It is 21 degrees outside

I called the great people at Dell today to see if they could help me fix my computer... they couldn't. I had to do it myself. Every time I've called customer support on either computer I've had, they can't help me and I end up figuring it out on my own... useless, maybe I should be a customer service guy... no thanks

I have class in a half an hour, the last time I have to go to it... thanks GOD. I'm sick of school. I haven't done too well this semester because certain people feel the need to flood my life with their problems... SELFISH BITCHES. I doubt they'd ever read this, but it'd be nice if they did. Oh well, I guess I'm just bitter... Have a good day and feel sorry for me when I'm in class.

If you think about it, tomorrow never gets here. We always say "I'll do it tomorrow," so in reality, it will never get done. Tomorrow is what I've been waiting for all my life, but it's never going to come. Am I living a lie? Waiting for something that I can never reach. Maybe when tomorrow comes, the world will end.

Date:	2002-12-02 19:10
Subject:	Shocker
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	Rusted Root- Lost in a crowd

Well, I'm back and school has started again. It just hit me today that next week are finals, that GOD I only have one that's not take home, which I don't understand, but it makes my life easier. I got my truck back today, so that was a joyous occasion, now if I could just get over this being lonely thing I think I'd be ok, but I'm sure that's going to take time. gggrrr.... I want it now damn it.

My apartment is a mess and I haven't the motivation to clean it. I live alone damn it so I can live like this.

Date:	2002-12-01 19:12
Subject:	My Soap Opera Life
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	Guster- Airport Song

Well, I'm home from home, so to speak. These past two weeks have dealt me the most emotions I've felt in a long, long time. I had a good turkey day but every time I go home to Loogootee the demons seem to come out of the wood work, but I'm still alive so it couldn't be that bad.

I finally went gambling. It's kinda strange growing up in Nevada and never diving into that aspect of it, or even being remotely interested in it, but I did it. I enjoyed myself but can't say I see the point in putting my money in those machines and losing it all... guess I was there for the experience more than anything.

I hope everyone else had a good holiday and hope there's wasn't as turbulent as mine, but I guess the drama makes life interesting. Maybe someday I should write a book... wishful thinking.

Date:	2002-11-20 13:05
Subject:	Creepy
Security:	Public
Mood:	good
Music:	Headline News

I just heard this on the news and thought it was worth sharing. 2 sisters living in two different towns, both owning Jeeps were driving to see each other. They were both on the same road heading in different directions. One sister went over the center line and slammed head on into her sister's Jeep, killing both of them and one of the sister's husbands. It's coincidences like this that make me think there's a God.

Date:	2002-11-19 20:21
Subject:	One day is all it takes
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	Headline News

It's amazing how one day can change your life. I had no idea that when I woke up this morning that I would never be the same. I'm not dying, but I don't care to be that specific at this time, I just know that I will be looking at life a little different.

Date:	2002-11-19 07:07
Subject:	everything's super when you're gay
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	Cold- Just Got Wicked

It's 707am, it's raining outside and I can't sleep. I really have no place to be today until 6:30 when I have class, so I'm not worried. I figured today I'll get my truck's oil changed, pick up some applications so my slacker ass can get a job, and then go to the Health Center to find out why I can't sleep. I probably know what they're going to say, 'it's the marijuana that's keeping you awake.' That's what every doctor blames my problems on that I've talked to. One doc blamed my depression on the weed, ok, figure this one out... I've been smoking weed since I was 18, I've been depressed for a lot longer than that, I think he's missing something here. I wish I had a PhD so I could sound smart and charge people shit loads of money to make things up. Maybe someday my dreams will come true...

Date:	2002-11-19 00:49
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	El Tango de Roxanne

If you need a therapist, go pay for one. Your friends do not need your problems too. Yes, go to your friends when you need help, but not every time you need help. When it comes down to it, we all die alone, get used to it now.

I know this seems bitter but this comes after years of trying to help other people. I don't mind helping people, only if they don't mind helping me back. Some of my friend say I don't talk enough about my problems... well some of my friends talk about their problems enough for the both of us. I'm not preaching to anyone who's reading this so don't worry, you haven't done anything wrong, nor did anything recently happen to me, but a friend, just a matter of thinking out loud.

We all have the strength to change the world, but it's that first step that gets us.